8.What side of a heart do you draw first?
* The left.

9.Do you wear a lot of black?
*Not anymore, mainit kase.

10.Do you like orange juice?
* Not that much.

11.Does your temper flare a lot?
*Haha...if you're my friend, you'd know...if you're a stranger, I'd scare the hell out of you! =P

12.Do you get emotional easily?
* Apparently, now I do.  There really was a reason why I was called the "Ice Queen" once upon a time. <--kinopyang sagot kay Joey and I'm exactly like her. Ask my high school friends, let's see what they'll say - Bato ako that time; ask my friends now, and let's see - but, I'm pretty emotional now than I'm used to.

13.Do you like to cuddle?
* Used to...and well, cuddle kumeni, and my cousins.

14.How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
* To function...none...if we're talking about functioning efficiently, give me at least 2 hours, I guess.

15. Last trip you took to the zoo?
*Can't remember.

16.Did you feel awkward at all today?
*No. Bihira na ako magkaron ng awkward moments...

17.Do you think you will be married by the time you are 35?
* I hope so! I want to have kids too and be a "co

18.Last four things you drank?
* Water, kool aid strawberry juice, mountain due and water.

19.Did you wake up happy today?
* I woke up and rushed everything - late for work cause I went home at freaking 3am!

20.What month were you born in?
* May.

21.Has anyone ever told you that they hated you, seriously?
* No, but I'm sure SOMEONE hates me that much!

22.How often do you take pain medicine?
* Whenever I experienced terrible headache that makes me insane.

23.Do you sleep with socks on?
* Sometimes I do pag sinipag ako mag ritwal ng mga lotion and moisturizers before I sleep.

24.Have you ever had to go to court?
* No, and I hope I won't..unless I become a lawyer. =P

25.How old do you look?
* As old as I really am, I think.

26.Are you waiting for something?
* Xmas gifts? Hahaha

27.What were you doing at ten last night?
* Working!

28.Did you cry today?
* Nope..kinilig ako sa kwento ni boss...and felt a bit sad in the end

29.Do you hate the last person you had a conversation with?
* Sino ba huli ko nakausap? Uhmmm...an applicant...no I don't.

30.Did you sing at all today?
*No I don't...at di ako marunong kumanta!
 

I’d watched the advance screening of Twilight with Pam but I know that I’ll be watching the movie again – regardless if I liked it or not! I have 3 more twilight dates to look forward to, and after that, I can probably say I’m done with the “twilight fever!”

First, "my Friday Greenbelt 3 date" with Bingky. It ended up in an annoying chase of cabs just to go home! I hate cab drivers! I just do! I had to call R & E and complain…so there, after 1 hour of standing on the road, we finally got our ride and head home – at freaking 2 in the morning!

I crashed to bed and thought about going to sleep or reading some more…and as always, I decided to read a few pages then doze off because I have another date with my extended family - my 2nd twilight date!

When my phone started to beep, I forced myself to peek through it just to see if Butchik sent the details on what time and where are we going to meet. Turns out, they arrived home late so they ended up sleeping until afternoon just like me! Haha. I got the message at around 1pm and I headed to Alabang right away. Excited kasi!

I went straight to the Cinema and got three tickets for me, Butchik and Yanna. We have 2 hours to wait for the start of the screening time so we hang around at Starbucks with my Kuya, my ate, and Mamat.

After the movie, my original plan was to go home to Mandaluyong but I didn’t say a word.  I just followed my feet which seem to be walking on its own; so I went to the van with everybody. We had dinner at Outback. At that moment, I was (again) supposed to tell them I’ll be going home to Mandaluyong after dinner. But my lips seem to be sealed, so I went home to Camella instead.

When we arrived home, everybody’s tired so my ate and kuya including Mamat crashed to bed right after shower but the three girls (that includes me), stayed awake until around 2am! We shared loads of kwento about twilight, books, musics, etc. And I can’t help but smile and look back years ago…when Chezka would just pull me away from my kuya and Wally and ask me to look at her  - coloring her books; Yanna is still so young, small, so shy and aloof at that time, so whenever I’ll talk to her, she’ll just smile shyly and would answer me in a soft sweet whisper. Whew! How time flies! I’m aging and the kids are growing so fast!

When we decided to go to bed, it took me an hour or so before I really fell asleep. I kept on playing in my mind the memories of the past and the present relationship that I’ve kept with this family, my so called extended family. We aren’t related by blood and we only became friends because of someone who isn’t a part of my life anymore. It’s amazing that the connection that I have with them isn’t lost. And it is indeed one of the many blessings in my life that I’m most thankful for because I learned to love them like my own and I want them to be a part of me as long as I live (but, I don't know how possible that is).

Sunday, nobody seems to want to wake up and get up, except for Matthew who woke up as early as 7am I guess. My kuya and ate were forced to get up because a friend of theirs dropped by. So, I decided to get up myself, not to mention that I have an appointment with my high school friends in the late afternoon. I am equally excited to see them but I am also not so eager to leave Camella because I don’t know when I’ll be able to go back or if I will be given the chance to spend as much time with them again.

Too much of a hassle for them; their entire plan changed because of me. Instead of doing what they planned to do, we ended up having lunch in Tagaytay so that they can drop me off near home. That means I had free lunch (again)?!!!! I was trying to assess myself why I tend to be so “makapal” and yet so shy! Contradicting ba?!? It’s hard to explain but whenever I’m with my ate and kuya, I somehow go back to my old self and the “introvert” part of me would manifest in some ways (just how I am with my ate Pebbles and my mommy Pinky). I would just do what they tell me to do without thinking of what should I really do. It’s not a real bad thing though, but instead of me pulling up my wallet and giving my share, I’d just keep quiet and let them pay. As if I’m with my parents?!? Ang kapal!  And, instead of telling them to just drop me off so that my kuya will not have a hard time getting a parking space, I just kept quiet. What an ass?! I just hope they don’t think of it that way, I know they don’t! And I’m grateful for that.

My high school friends arrived and my extended family decided to just leave Starbucks since there isn’t a good spot to stay. It’s a Sunday and the establishment is full! I initially planned for this to be the last time that I’ll be seeing them because I’ve been contemplating on a lot of things lately and I told myself, that it’s probably best if I’ll just bid goodbye to everyone which connects me to “my past.”  No one's pushing me to do so, but I just want to make things less complicated and I don't want to cause a difficulty into someone's life even if whenever she’ll cross my mind, I still think of her with total animosity.

I originally planned to give each of them a big hug and leave. But, I changed my mind! When we parted ways I know it’s not going to be the last time unless they decided to stay away from me. I just couldn’t let them go and I know I don’t have to. Regardless of what other people might think or say, I intend to maintain my extended family within reach!

I had an equally fun time with my reunion with Rachel, Minela and Analiza - my treasured high school friends. We had a good time at the spa, and this reunion is something that I didn’t think would be possible, but with God’s grace, it happened!

As we were driving home, I vowed to myself and this comes from the bottom of my heart;  Both these sets of friends; I’m going to treasure until I reached my life’s “twilight.”

And, my 3^rd twilight date will be on Friday, with my sister whom will surely be a part of my life as long as I live – I am praying so hard that she’ll live longer than I do! =)

So far, God’s continuously answering my prayers. In fact, I’ve been blessed more than I’d ever imagined…

I'm thankful, after every “twilight,” I’ve been fortunate, I was blessed to witness every “breaking dawn” with hope of a brighter day, no matter how difficult life had been. Praise God!  =)

"Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.

Forgive, Edward. Forgive

...That's because no one is born with anger. And when we die, the soul is freed from it. But now, here, in order for you to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did, and why you no longer need to feel it."

And here's another one...

searching for love had been a mystery for me..
i've been told that if i want love, i have to search for it..
some said, i have to wait..
but humans as we are, we need someone more than just a companion..we need someone who could complete us..
many have found it & lost it in a snap..
even if you have to seach or to wait, 3 things are important once you have it..

risk everything
anticipate pain &
endure whatever it brings.

A few days ago, I received a shocking and unwanted message from a good friend… I was about to sleep because I am not feeling too well that night – physically and emotionally.

When my phone “beep” – a signal that an incoming message was received, I hesitated before I read the message because if it came from a friend who can’t sleep…that would mean numerous exchanges of text messages chatting about anything and everything under the sun – and that would mean a sleepless night for me!

Hmmm… I decided to read the message anyway – it came from a good friend way back in high school – and I had to blink several times and stare at my phone for a few seconds before the message sank in. It was a message stating that our friend’s mom “went home.” It feels like the whole world stopped suddenly…and everything around me seems to be a part of a TV series which has been frozen by magic.

I didn’t cry. Again, even if I wanted to I couldn’t. But, immediately I suffered from a terrible headache that even 2 capsules (1,000mg) of Tylenol extra strength didn’t help! After taking the meds, I tried to sleep but I couldn’t…there’s a thumping pain in my head and it feels like it will explode anytime. I had to force myself to stand up again…then; I took a bath and went to our friend’s house.

It was a “good reunion” – since we haven’t talked nor seen each other in years – for reasons I’d rather not mention. It was indeed a nice reunion since no explanations or arguments was made – we just saw each other and hugged - but, the reason for the reunion is something that I wouldn’t wish to happen ever again.

Despite the tears and pain of losing “auntie-second mom,” I am still thankful that she didn’t suffer a painful experience before she finally went home. I know, she is now pain free and happy with Jesus in heaven. But, in my selfish state of feeling and mindset, I wished she’s still here with us… But God’s ways are far better than ours – He knows what’s best for all of us… right now, I just have to think that “aunt-second mom” is real happy in heaven.

It’s a bittersweet reunion. We are mourning and grieving for the loss of a person – very dear person - who remained close to my heart, even if we haven’t seen each other in ages…

But, another life was given to us by the Lord Almighty…another baby was added to the “barkada’s family” and that addition is more than enough reason to celebrate – it’s another gift of life! Well, the eldest baby that we have is now 8 years old…so we have another baby to “celebrate.” J It was not all mourning after all…

Before all these things happened, I am dealing with my own emotions – anxiety attack – or should I say depression – which would be discussed in a separate entry, if I’ll have the time to create another one. But having to spend 2 days with my long lost high school friends – full of laughter, reminiscing the old times when life is so simple, but seems to be complicated because we are not the group who always follow the rules and obey the policies…. It is really therapeutic for me! I wish, we get to spend time with each other more often – minus the bitter reasons of this moth’s reunion… I wished, we would have a regular “sweet reunions!”

I am hurt, I am suffering from emotional pain due to various reasons but today, after I left the wake of “aunt-second mom” there’s a feeling of happiness deep within… Considering that after several years of rarely communicating – we get to spend real quality time with each other …even if it is a bitter-sweet reunion, I got to spend time with my long lost friends whom I truly missed – the people who’d been there for me more than half of my life…

Spending time with these people is indeed the best medicine to cure my bleeding heart… And the best “antibiotic” for me is being aware of the fact that no matter how seldom we see each other, even if we are miles apart, even if we don’t communicate that often, and even if our busy and conflicting work schedules are pulling us apart – one thing I’m sure of, we’ll be friends till the end of time…

Genuine friends are indeed the best blessing that I ever received….and since I am so blessed, I promise to be the best friend that I can be – I am not a good person, I am evil but I’ll do everything that I can to be the best friend that I can be!
 

 

“A true friend is like blood…It sustains life yet it is not always visible, but it comes out everytime you are wounded…”